June Poem-A-Day Poem 2.... (Better late than never)

I’m tired of writing poems about togetherness that aren’t really true anymore

so tomorrow

I will string the emaciated way your heart flutters over my laundry line

I will pick the furthest petals from your meadows

but I cannot help if I accidentally still give a fuck

because the morning after we loved each other timeless,

I accidentally told you that I thought a piece of us would love each other forever

and I know that’s a big thing to say

so I’m taking it back with

strawberry jam and pistachios

I’m taking it back with two fingers crossed behind my back

because you know that I’m not lying.

You are never going to teach me how to climb trees and steady my

footing because my wild

blood song

frightens your soul senseless

because somehow,

with us I hold the upper hand.

I want you to know that I’m sorry I broke your heart

threefold

but I’m not sorry I kept trying to mend it

because one of these days we will realize that

despite the fact that we will never be together,

not really,

not like that

you and I were meant to balance beside one another

which says a lot because I’ve never been good at letting go of the handlebars.

I almost phoned you tonight.

It’s a school night but we’re both not studying

and it was summer storming

beautiful

(I remember the first time you kissed me, and meant it, in the rain)

the power went out

I lit every candle I owned and read books and drank beer

and felt very alone

and I wanted to phone you tonight when the power went out

and I wanted to make puzzles with you on my kitchen floor

by candle-light

and I wanted to kiss you sopping under these heavy clouds

but we both know that I’ve done a little too much damage when it comes to you

and I worried that if I called,

you would not come.

I could not handle that part of us tonight.

So instead, when the lights came back on,

I started writing you this.

Mostly because you asked me why I’d never written a poem about us,

not a real one anyway.