Day 23: Sobriety

It has be 478 days since I declared my sobriety

and since then,

it’s been 196 days since I’ve been drunk by accident,

121 days since I’ve been drunk on purpose.

It’s been 2 days since my last beer.

It’s been 185 days since we last fucked.

92 days since you left the country.

It’s been easier to stay sober now that you’re gone

there is no dichotomy between your whiskey breath

and my aching smile.

478 days marks the first time that I regretted

kissing you, touching you/touching me,

fucking.

Because your addiction burns all the way down my throat

because your inebriation makes me want to never take a sip again

because you only love me when you’re wasted.

Every next morning I’d drive you back to your car,

a haunting quiet ride,

obligatory kiss before you get out the passenger side.

You’d leave to meet up with friends for your next drink.

I’d go home and open my windows-

let the dank air go-

wash the sheets-

shower.